I whipped this up one day after too many people asked me how I learned to ride a bike. I do have all of the answers.
Riding Quiz – The Questions That They Didn’t Ask
Answer as many of the questions below correctly that you can. There is only one correct answer per question. There is no prize for answering all of the questions correctly, other than knowing that you know how to ride.
1. When passing a dog on the side of the road, you should always:
a. Accelerate so that the dog doesn’t see you until you’re already past.
b. Slow to a near crawl so that you don’t risk hitting the dog.
c. Slow WAY down, enough so that the dog starts chasing you, then accelerate heavily to escape (aka TAUNT the dog)
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
2. When riding under a viaduct or through a tunnel, you should always:
a. Pull in the clutch so that your engine is at idle as you pass under.
b. Pull in the clutch and kill the engine as you pass under.
c. Pull in the clutch and rev the engine as high as you can.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
3. When passing a pasture with animals, you should always:
a. Accelerate so that the animals don’t have a chance to get spooked.
b. Slow to a near crawl so that the animals are not disturbed.
c. Slow WAY down and rev the engine frequently until the animals scatter to the corners of the pasture, trampling each other in the process.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
4. When idling at a stoplight, you realize that the person next to you is talking on their cell phone. You should always:
a. Allow your engine to idle normally.
b. Courteously kill the engine until the light goes green.
c. Rev the engine until the cell phone user rolls up their window, and then rev the engine higher until the user is forced to stop talking on the phone.
d. Stop immediately and back your bike away from the intersection.
5. When stuck in traffic that is at a standstill, you should always:
a. Idle along with the traffic so that your hand cramps closed from using the clutch so much.
b. Stop the bike and pull over until the traffic begins to move again.
c. Move to the left or right shoulder and accelerate heavily to get around the traffic, trying hard not to laugh at the idiots stuck in their cars.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
6. When a car is behind you and they seem to be too close, you should always:
a. Move to the left or right and slow down to allow the car to pass.
b. Slow down and motion the car to go past you.
c. Reach into your pocket and pull out the handful of ½” ball bearings that happen to be there and throw them over your shoulder.
d. Stop on the side of the road and let the car pass.
7. When stopping at the “stealer” on a Saturday afternoon, you should always:
a. Eat a free hotdog, and then buy some part at their ridiculous markup to compensate for the free lunch.
b. Eat a free hotdog, and then donate to their charity of the week to compensate for the free lunch.
c. Eat a free hotdog, then get on your bike and go look for another dealer with free hotdogs.
d. Stop at the dealer and spend the rest of the day with the other RUBS.
8. When in a parking lot with many expensive cars, you should always:
a. Very quietly idle through the lot
b. Kill the engine and push your bike to a parking spot.
c. Ride like a maniac, revving the engine insanely and count how many car alarms you can set off.
d. Stop at the back of the lot as far from where you need to go and park your bike.
9. After riding many miles on a hot summer day, you should always:
a. Stop at a gas station and get a nice cold bottle of water.
b. Stop at an ice cream stand and get a vanilla-chocolate swirl.
c. Stop at the first bar you see and have as much beer as it takes to cool off (or feel better).
d. Stop (no matter where you are), turn around and ride straight home so that you can have some nice tap water.
10. When crossing into an area that does not enforce a helmet law, you should always:
a. Keep your helmet on during the entire trip in the no-helmet zone.
b. Stop at the next planned location and remove you helmet and strap it to the back of your bike.
c. Stop RIGHT at the border and rip your helmet off and ride free.
d. Stop immediately, turn around and get away from the no helmet zone.
Riding Quiz – The Questions That They Didn’t Ask
Answer as many of the questions below correctly that you can. There is only one correct answer per question. There is no prize for answering all of the questions correctly, other than knowing that you know how to ride.
1. When passing a dog on the side of the road, you should always:
a. Accelerate so that the dog doesn’t see you until you’re already past.
b. Slow to a near crawl so that you don’t risk hitting the dog.
c. Slow WAY down, enough so that the dog starts chasing you, then accelerate heavily to escape (aka TAUNT the dog)
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
2. When riding under a viaduct or through a tunnel, you should always:
a. Pull in the clutch so that your engine is at idle as you pass under.
b. Pull in the clutch and kill the engine as you pass under.
c. Pull in the clutch and rev the engine as high as you can.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
3. When passing a pasture with animals, you should always:
a. Accelerate so that the animals don’t have a chance to get spooked.
b. Slow to a near crawl so that the animals are not disturbed.
c. Slow WAY down and rev the engine frequently until the animals scatter to the corners of the pasture, trampling each other in the process.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
4. When idling at a stoplight, you realize that the person next to you is talking on their cell phone. You should always:
a. Allow your engine to idle normally.
b. Courteously kill the engine until the light goes green.
c. Rev the engine until the cell phone user rolls up their window, and then rev the engine higher until the user is forced to stop talking on the phone.
d. Stop immediately and back your bike away from the intersection.
5. When stuck in traffic that is at a standstill, you should always:
a. Idle along with the traffic so that your hand cramps closed from using the clutch so much.
b. Stop the bike and pull over until the traffic begins to move again.
c. Move to the left or right shoulder and accelerate heavily to get around the traffic, trying hard not to laugh at the idiots stuck in their cars.
d. Stop immediately, turn around, and pick another route to your destination.
6. When a car is behind you and they seem to be too close, you should always:
a. Move to the left or right and slow down to allow the car to pass.
b. Slow down and motion the car to go past you.
c. Reach into your pocket and pull out the handful of ½” ball bearings that happen to be there and throw them over your shoulder.
d. Stop on the side of the road and let the car pass.
7. When stopping at the “stealer” on a Saturday afternoon, you should always:
a. Eat a free hotdog, and then buy some part at their ridiculous markup to compensate for the free lunch.
b. Eat a free hotdog, and then donate to their charity of the week to compensate for the free lunch.
c. Eat a free hotdog, then get on your bike and go look for another dealer with free hotdogs.
d. Stop at the dealer and spend the rest of the day with the other RUBS.
8. When in a parking lot with many expensive cars, you should always:
a. Very quietly idle through the lot
b. Kill the engine and push your bike to a parking spot.
c. Ride like a maniac, revving the engine insanely and count how many car alarms you can set off.
d. Stop at the back of the lot as far from where you need to go and park your bike.
9. After riding many miles on a hot summer day, you should always:
a. Stop at a gas station and get a nice cold bottle of water.
b. Stop at an ice cream stand and get a vanilla-chocolate swirl.
c. Stop at the first bar you see and have as much beer as it takes to cool off (or feel better).
d. Stop (no matter where you are), turn around and ride straight home so that you can have some nice tap water.
10. When crossing into an area that does not enforce a helmet law, you should always:
a. Keep your helmet on during the entire trip in the no-helmet zone.
b. Stop at the next planned location and remove you helmet and strap it to the back of your bike.
c. Stop RIGHT at the border and rip your helmet off and ride free.
d. Stop immediately, turn around and get away from the no helmet zone.
